I've had a rough few days. To me, little else is worse than trying your best to accomplish something, to demonstrate your value and truly make a 'good faith effort' and then find out the hard way that the work - in a environment of challenges that can make that work even harder to accomplish - will not be recognized. It will not gain an ounce of leverage.
It was, I had the misfortune to learn, (almost) all for naught.
The factors that brought this development about are, I understand, not really about me. They are completely outside of my control. They just happened to coincide with a decisive moment, and they won, while I...did not win.
I did *not* see that coming. Not at all.
And what's worse, I am a lousy target for traditional comforting strategies. I can't explain why, but standard sympathy does nothing for me. So there's that: you'll never have to waste your energy with soothing back pats and noises about how much you wish you could make things better for me.
Color me prickly and problematic, but those gestures just don't improve my mood or attitude.
I prefer Real Talk.
And let's be clear: Real Talk is not some cinematic snippet of a drill sargent yelling at boot-camp participants about toughening up. Real Talk is not a mother or a sister telling someone to 'snap out of it.' Real Talk is not necessarily forgiving, even though it can still be fully supportive.
Real Talk is rational, EMpathetic, objective talk.
Real Talk might explore reasonable options for how to respond to a situation or a problem. Real Talk must excavate the pragmatic territory of 'what you did wrong' or 'how you might make it better.' Real Talk seeks truth, seen clearly through a lens that honors the intellect of all the participants. Real Talk acknowledges that someone or many someones need(s) to understand something in order to come out on the other side in a better frame of mind.
So here are the strong people who saw me through this ugly spell with Real Talk, for which I am most grateful:
The archaeological academician...a few days ago, and two years ago.
The family I married into, preparing to do justice to some shellfish, and walking the streets of Bruges..
The 'sister' I'd let drive my car (if I still had one!) into the safari park...
Here we are in Athens, toasting to being held (kind of) captive in our hotel, as austerity measure protests raged on outside.
And here, a couple of excellent people who can talk me into a field trip to a giant funhouse of Italian 'good eats' (or anywhere else, for that matter):
And here's a little trip back in time to the 80s and a General Electric employees dance, with Dad:
And finally, the guy who saw Rome for his first time with me in 2010, and set his sights on finding a way to move us there for this wild ride. The Boca della Verita is supposed to snap off your fingers if you tell a lie.
He has never lied to me. Too pure a soul.
That third coin in the fountain actually paid off, it seems.
Yes, I made some big changes in order to follow you here. And yes, some unexpected challenges awaited me. I was thrown for a loop with this last one.
But still, I promise: no regrets.
So....for all of the good, hard questions asked of me, for the reminders that I needed to look around myself at where I am, right now and recall why I did this, for the conversations that in one way or another indicated that I have worth, after all...
Thank you.
